You Screwed Up, She Smiled, Want to Know Why?

Right Now

Why are you smiling?

Have you ever heard the expression, never let the right hand know what the other is doing?

 Let me explain, the theory is make sure you keep everything in its place. If you separate the business and the personal, it allows you to keep things smooth, and successfully manage interpersonal relationships. This is especially true when it comes to money. So, what do you do when you are married to someone who employs that strategy when it comes to your marriage, vital information, and the money?!

Money is not necessarily the primary issue if this is going on in your relationship, but who couldn’t use more than they have? You begin to notice that when the two of you do argue over money, she keeps an unconcerned attitude. Eventually, the tensions escalate and you are embroiled in a full scale blow-out. You tell her you do everything that you can to make her happy, up to and including buying the things that she wants. (uh-oh).

 She says “ I don’t need you to do anything for me sweetie”, and smiles that smile you know leads to bad news.

Your wife has been stashing cash on the back end, in a “rainy day account”.

Now you understand why every time you screw up she smiles. You have just realized its because she knows she is going to double her deposit this week, and you will be too consumed with your own foolery to know any better.

This account is also known as, “he’s got me fucked up, and I have to show him a thing or two, that I don’t need you and I have my own shit so you can just go live with your new woman account”.

Question, are you pissed or are you glad that she was financially savvy enough to plan?

In this instance, I am a bit of a hypocrite. I both agree and disagree, but let me be more specific. I agree that she should have her independence and individuality. I do not agree that she should have a secret account. My good friend Nat says “separate does not equal secret”.

If said wife, was my wife, we would have a damn problem.

1. So, you been skimming the bill maybe net or naw?
2. There is this little thing called misappropriation of funds, so now I need some of that money back.
3. Why don’t I know how much money you make?

Dear wife,

You have been stealing and lying. You have basically decided that you needed money more than we needed money, and now I hope you have a good reason. I now need you to prove that none of the money in your secret stash landed there as a result of re-purposing the cash that I contributed to the household. I also want to know what other secrets you have been keeping. Don’t let me find out that you are secretly a madam and have not given me an opportunity to invest in the business or test the merchandise. That is foul. Just saying you have to believe in your product. (Kidding mostly).

Sincerely Husband

P.S. Seriously the issue is that you are saying that you have no faith in our relationship nor its longevity.

To my daughters, hi-five baby girl

Dad is so proud of you! You listened to the things that I said to you over and over as you grew up.

Remember what I told you

1. Never let anyone convince you that you don’t need to make your own money.
2. Do not let yourself become accustomed to a lifestyle that you are not able to provide for yourself
3. Keep one eye on the prize and the other one on him.

You have no idea how much you have comforted me with the knowledge that you have not left your future to the success of that shiftless fool that you married. It is my absolute opinion that all women should enter a relationship fully prepared to care for themselves financially, should the situation present itself. Take care that the majority of the preparation happens before the relationship begins.

Young women, don’t enter relationships with anyone who does not represent the goals you have for yourself, but you must also possess those qualities. Think of it this way, if you can afford steak for dinner every night, you are not going to turn up at McDonald’s, unless you are feeling nostalgic for days when you ate ramen out of styrofoam and drank 40’s on the porch while wearing your headscarf.

by Rex Nash

Focus on You Not Your Problems : How to Remove Extra Stress

Right Now

The Enemy of Perspective

If you are anything like me, stress is always right around the corner.  Waiting to creep in and make sure that I continue to act just a little left of center.  I hear people talk about how stressed out they are, and there is always a common thread.  People talk about stress as if it is a momentary thing that will pass if they wait long enough.  Waiting for stress to pass is equal to waiting for America to be "great again".  You know what I'm saying.

Grab the remote to the DVR that is your life and create a program you can manage.

Stop yourself
It’s important to stop yourself, when you are simply doing way too much. Think about how to look at your big picture.  If you have a look and you are in control of every aspect of that picture you have successfully done way too much, poorly.  No one can do everything in their life without the help of others.  If you have deluded yourself into believing that its possible, you may need to assess your commitment to reality.  Understand the role you play in your chaos, and remember what’s important in your life.

Wine Down
Grab a glass and have a seat.  A good show, good company, or an enjoyable book pair well with a glass of wine. A nice libation is always appropriate after a stressful day or week.  It does not solve whatever you have going on, so don't overdo it, but it can give you a moment of repose to collect your thoughts and start again refreshed.

Call that person that knows how to keep quiet:
Get in touch with that one fiend you can talk to without judgement, or the on who will not interject helpful advice.  When you are looking for advice you know where to find it, but occasionally you don't want help, you just want a friendly ear and someone to say "it's gonna be OK"

Reclaim Your Perspective

As you begin to create habits that build positivism in your life, it is easier to remember an abbreviated high-impact list that represents your larger systemic approach.

 I will pursue: Knowledge expansion, a satisfying job that supports my life, serving my community, and reinforcing my happiness

I will avoid: Working for a job title only, attention seeking, slacking, unadulterated materialism

Take the time to articulate your worries

The things that give us the most stress or anxiety, is sometimes faceless or immaterial.  Think about what is on your plate and what you will need to solve to maintain the continuity in your life. Consider the things that you have control over and not stressing about forcing uncontrollable things to match your vision. Never, no matter how tempting,  hold on to feelings of entitlement, resentment, hate, or doubt.

Here are some ways to get it done.

Bop to it:
Music is often my personal escape.  I think of music as an on-call therapist in my pocket. Good tunes can lift you up and out of your current state of mind and put you in a place of Zen.  Keep some of your favorite tunes on your phone, and leverage them when you feel like lashing out.

Burn the page:
Writing is the savior of all men.  If you do not fancy yourself a fantastic writer, who cares.   No one may ever see what you write, however writing gives your feelings and thoughts physicality.  Expressing yourself through text can lift you up and out of your funk.  I suggest going old school, there is something about pen to paper that holds the magic of catharsis.

Ignore something once a day:
Say no often.  Saying no is the best thing you can teach yourself.  Don't say no and stress, refuse to wonder how a person feels about your response.  Give yourself the option to shut the world off and do you. Brief periods of downtime is the only way to maintain your sanity, and protect yourself from over-stimulation.

Nothing happens all at once

Figure out how to have some patience.  This is a big one for me, since I am quite possibly the most impatient person I know.  When things are not going according to plan, reevaluate the plan rather than allowing the frustration to creep in. The way you perceive your situation has the potential to close all windows and doors to possibility.  Keep that shit open.

Do stuff you actually like:
Pick the productive thing that you enjoy most and do that.  Hobbies, hanging out, whatever it is that you’re really enjoy, and not those things that you tell people you enjoy to further your pretentiousness.

Ownership:
Don't feel like taking ownership of your situation means blaming yourself for 100 percent of the thing you don't like about your life.  You are really saying, this is my situation and this is what I can do about.  If you find yourself in a complex situation, set micro-goals, or things that you can accomplish easily and quickly.

Small goals allow you to begin progression quickly, while simultaneously giving you a sense of accomplishment.  All you must do is begin. Remember, never let go of hope, gratitude and curiosity!!

by Rex Nash

Nobody Believes That You Hate Social Media

Right Now

Why do you need us to believe it?

Are the people who claim to hate social media really being honest? Some who vehemently denies their use or their enjoyment of social media normally has a hidden agenda. Honestly, there are days when I feel like social media represents the worst of humanity.

I find the implicit claim or objection to social media troublesome at best. Primarily the unspoken accusation leveled at those who participate fuels my abhorrence of the people who make these claims.

Nose turned up and eyes cast down, as if their objections solidify their individuality and their ascension beyond the entertainments of us regular folks. Consider what you hate about social media must a greater connection to your own inadequacies than the faceless platform that you so egregiously cast out like yesterday's garbage.

Assuming we believe, you believe you

Let's leverage our imaginations, we can assume that you dislike it for more authentic reasons. You decided that virtual communication has created barriers that have disconnected us from one another, or decreased our individual abilities to connect during face to face experiences.

I recently read an article, accusing people of apathy towards the latest social tragedies, and that their protests were ineffective simply because they were not being actioned in a physical space. The accusation was, at its core, attacks the ease of virtual protests.

Simply because we can continue to scroll or make our united electronic stand without getting dressed, does not negate the veracity of its assertion. When social media protesting organized virtually during it’s infancy, it does not imply that there will be no subsequent physical action. Action does not always equal sincerity nor relevance.

We are not advocating for the endless connectivity that is social media, since I recognize its destructive powers as well.  We have witnessed the distress caused by cyber bullying and the insidious things that people are willing to say from the safety of their home, but never in person.

The behavior tolerated in the public-school system can often carry the same or greater stress than young people experience online or by watching reality TV.  Behavior is learned through mimesis; young children often have difficulty distinguishing between reality and virtual experiences.

Nevertheless, kids have been fighting, bullying, and tormenting one another for years.  This is not an excuse for injurious behavior, it is just factual. The governing force known as parents, must exert a greater control of their children's environment.  Who is doing the raising?

I will say what everyone is thinking

Bye !

Just because you access Facebook through a browser, and are too ashamed to have the app on your phone, does not mean that we don't know you are still accessing your dilapidated profile.  I saw that accidental tweet that you hurriedly deleted, which is why my I see you comment didn't go through. You are still lurking, following, and keeping up with folks’ business.

People get off on proclaiming their disconnection from digital communities because in their minds it means they are mature. " I don't need that kind of drama in my life" they say.  Does being social instantly equate with drama or is that just in your case? They believe that it means they don't need the inclusion all while they really desire it.  They reveal a thinly veiled attempt to act is if they do not desire the connections and conversation they crave.

It's ok castaways, come back we promise to be nice this time. We are not all cyber bullies, just cut the crap.  Don't feel like you don't have a place in the digital ecosystem. Claim the virtual existence you deserve, use it at your leisure and turn your devices off when you have had enough. There is not right and wrong answer but the all or nothing approach serves no one. Some use it for fun, and some for evil, just remember the block button is your safe word.

by Rex Nash