Don't miss out on New Artist Spotlight: R.LUM.R
Everyone, have a listen to this incredible artist.
R&B is the primary mode of Reginald Lamar Williams, Jr., a Nashville, Tennessee-based native of Florida who goes by R.LUM.R (IG Link). People have labeled his music, inappropriately, mature pop oriented. However, he is most definitely R and B with a folk twist. I really enjoy his songs. "Frustrated,”his latest single, has had 8 million plays. He is redefining the R&B genre with his voice and guitar. Also, he's inspired by READING!
R.LUM.R's Music
Williams made strides in 2015 with "Show Me" and "Be Honest," atmospheric yet ballads he self-released as singles. Additional tracks followed in 2016, including the similarly moody "Nothing New," released on the Doghouse label. He has several EP's available on Itunes and Spotify. Be sure to listen to the samples below. We are really looking forward to his full album effort.
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Growing Through Changes: 2. You Can't Stay Angry
Can we talk about this
I sit next to a guy called Jake at work, who is pissed off pretty much daily. It really doesn’t matter what the situation is. He is so talented, that he can will himself into being pissed off in 60 seconds or less, kind of like a weird magic trick.
Can we talk? OK.
Last week Jake organized a meeting, which he subsequently controlled via conference call. For the record, I was not part of this teleconference, but I have skills, so it was like I was. At some point, Jake was not getting the participation he imagined he would. He got really pissed, announced to the participants, “If you didn’t intend to participate in the process then why the hell did you call in?” Professional, right? Not. Jake makes a conscious choice to be angry. Anyone this mad this often is mad on purpose and not by accident.
If things aren’t going wrong, odds are you’re dead
Resist the urge to rehearse anger. Getting annoyed, frustrated, or angry is a natural part of life, but as you mature so should your coping skills. You don’t have to tell the story to someone! “Can you believe this?”, “Let me tell you about these SOB’s at work”, and any other intro you have heard or used for an angry rant. It’s OK to talk to your confidant’s, but don’t tell your “mad” story again and again, not even to yourself.
First things first, you mad or…
If you are just not sure how your bad attitude is, click this link and take the test. (Don’t live like Jake!)
Now, On to the good stuff!
Here are some easy, relatable, and realistic things you can do.
- Remember other people do not share your notions of right, wrong, or fair.
- Be nice to yourself, and nix the negative talk. Don’t’ encourage your anger by saying “things never go my way”, or “No one pays any attention to my ideas”. Self-serving pity only serves losers! (I know that’s harsh, but it’s still true)
- No one is out to get you, it's likely they are not even thinking of you at all. Angry people tend to jump to conclusions, however far-fetched. It's a good idea to check yourself before you speak. If you wouldn’t say it in front of grandma, don’t say it at all.
- Angry people can be demanding. You cannot force people to experience things your way, nor can you make them respect and appreciate you. If they don’t, show them the exit ramp and keep driving. It’s really that simple. If this is a workplace issue, you don’t have to like the people you work with but you do have to be respectful and do your job.
- Always ask yourself what you are mad about. Is it something you shared? Is the person you are mad at in the room and did you clearly express your expectations? If the answer to any of these questions is no, you know you are out of pocket.
- Stop being defensive. No, really, just stop. There is no extra credit for being extra.
- Stop taking yourself so seriously. Your opinion of you is the only one that matters. This means that everything else is extra. If they like you fine, if not fine. 90% of the time they will at least think you are bearable.
- Have a sense of humor, with caution. Don’t just "laugh off" your problems. Try to use humor as a tool to diffuse your anger, you don’t have to speak it. Humor can go wrong quickly. Don’t be the sarcastic douche that no one finds amusing. Being passive-aggressive is simply not cute.
Don’t miss the next installment in the series, “How to think critically” Guaranteed to be a good one.
Artist Spotlight: Yuna
Meet Yuna (If you haven't already)
Yunalis Mat Zara'ai, professionally known as Yuna, is a Malaysian singer-songwriter and musician. If you have never listened to Yuna sing before, imagine Amy Winehouse (drug free) meets Sade. Born and raised in Kedah and Selangor, she began writing songs at age 14. Yuna has worked with the likes of Pharrell, Usher, Miguel and Jhene Aiko. She has an eclectic style that is at once stimulating, intriguing, and relaxing. I could listen to her all day and really enjoy her music. she calls her latest album “Chapters”. She has music online dating back as far as 2008. She started her music career online, which means, the tracks on some of her earlier work are a little disjointed. On her latest album, her product is more connected and feels more thematic, which you will enjoy.
Think of her like this
I hesitate to call her a pop star, while she fits more comfortably in the realm of R and B, Smooth Jazz Vocal, or even folk.
“Instead, she’s using her platform to talk about biased beauty standards in Asia and make modest clothes more fashionable. “Racism is everywhere — the older generations in Malaysia still say things like ‘She’s darker-skinned; maybe don’t marry her,’ and it’s very judgmental. A lot of girls do try to get fairness cream to lighten their skin and I’m against all that. Embrace the color of your skin and your own beauty.”
Check out some of my favorites from her here.
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How can I tell if my daughter is a lesbian?
I hope you saw the question from last week.
Today's question comes from "Way too interested Wanda". Wanda says " How can I tell if my daughter is a lesbian?" Check out the short background info below.
She's 16 and has absolutely no interest in boys her age. She occasionally comments on how “cute” women are on the television. We live in a conservative household, and I don't want my only child to be gay!! What do I do??
We should approach this question with as much sensitivity as possible. We can only assume that this s a real question and that I am not being "punked" for lack of a better word. Perhaps, the best way to answer this question is from a supportive p.o.v.
Why does it matter if she is a lesbian?
As a parent, perhaps you are concerned about how the world is going to treat your daughter if this turns out to be true. Nothing about what you provided in the background information indicates that you have a valid reason to think your daughter is a lesbian. For the sake of argument, let's assume you are right. I refuse to judge you, well mostly anyway, and the fact that you say your household is "conservative" is at the very least concerning to me. The way you phrased it implies that your household does not include your daughter. I am going to assume that is not what you meant and stop there. #SIDEEYE
I would say to you, your time would be better spent focused on making sure that you are raising a responsible confident individual. Kids often to learn to love themselves based primarily on parental examples. If you treat them like something is wrong, you may end up not having to worry about how the world will treat her. Not to be morbid, but gay kids have a really high suicide rate.
Don't just Don't
This may sound counter intuitive, but the worst thing that you could do is ask her. More than likely, she is not sure about who she really is. Pressuring her about her sexual identity at a time when she is still figuring that out is just not hot. Not to mention, she may not be sexually active. Your invasive questions will only exacerbate an already tense situation.
This leads to my next point, it's impossible for her to be a lesbian if she is not having sex. More appropriately you are concerned about her same-sex attraction. As mentioned before, it's completely unfounded. I am sorry that you live in a mental space where the admiration for another individual, regardless of their gender, constitutes homosexuality.
Focus
I mean this in the nicest way possible, your kid's sexuality is not about you. Most importantly, this is really a non-issue. Your job as a parent is to teach her. Unless you are running a sexual playground in your basement, which I doubt, teach her about life. Give her the coping skills she needs to deal with life and it's complications. The choices she makes once she leaves your home have no reflection on you or the job you've done as a parent. Don't waste this time worrying about what could be, instead focus and making sure she knows you love her and she will always have a place in your life.
Try some of these tips.
I hope this helps.
Current Tunes
Current Tunes
Take some time to listen to some of the current tunes that I enjoy. Some of it is the best of today's music and the rest are bops that I think are amazing. You will find music from many genres or categories. You are bound to find something here you love! Check it out.
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