Why this matters?

How can I tell if my daughter is a lesbian?

I hope you saw the question from last week.

Today's question comes from "Way too interested Wanda". Wanda says " How can I tell if my daughter is a lesbian?" Check out the short background info below.

She's 16 and has absolutely no interest in boys her age. She occasionally comments on how “cute” women are on the television. We live in a conservative household, and I don't want my only child to be gay!! What do I do??

We should approach this question with as much sensitivity as possible. We can only assume that this s a real question and that I am not being "punked" for lack of a better word. Perhaps, the best way to answer this question is from a supportive p.o.v.

Why does it matter if she is a lesbian?

As a parent, perhaps you are concerned about how the world is going to treat your daughter if this turns out to be true. Nothing about what you provided in the background information indicates that you have a valid reason to think your daughter is a lesbian. For the sake of argument, let's assume you are right. I refuse to judge you, well mostly anyway, and the fact that you say your household is "conservative" is at the very least concerning to me. The way you phrased it implies that your household does not include your daughter. I am going to assume that is not what you meant and stop there. #SIDEEYE

I would say to you, your time would be better spent focused on making sure that you are raising a responsible confident individual. Kids often to learn to love themselves based primarily on parental examples. If you treat them like something is wrong, you may end up not having to worry about how the world will treat her. Not to be morbid, but gay kids have a really high suicide rate.

Don't just Don't

This may sound counter intuitive, but the worst thing that you could do is ask her. More than likely, she is not sure about who she really is. Pressuring her about her sexual identity at a time when she is still figuring that out is just not hot. Not to mention, she may not be sexually active. Your invasive questions will only exacerbate an already tense situation.

This leads to my next point, it's impossible for her to be a lesbian if she is not having sex. More appropriately you are concerned about her same-sex attraction. As mentioned before, it's completely unfounded. I am sorry that you live in a mental space where the admiration for another individual, regardless of their gender, constitutes homosexuality.


I mean this in the nicest way possible, your kid's sexuality is not about you. Most importantly, this is really a non-issue. Your job as a parent is to teach her. Unless you are running a sexual playground in your basement, which I doubt, teach her about life. Give her the coping skills she needs to deal with life and it's complications. The choices she makes once she leaves your home have no reflection on you or the job you've done as a parent. Don't waste this time worrying about what could be, instead focus and making sure she knows you love her and she will always have a place in your life.

Try some of these tips.

I hope this helps.