How to Unsuccessfully Spend Your Sunday
The madness begins
Sunday evening, I took my daughter to the emergency room at Baylor hospital. We went there for help with severe dehydration, after not being able to keep anything down for over 12 hours. This was also having a negative impact on her blood glucose levels, she is a type-1 diabetic. Before you feel too bad for her, it was her own decision to eat hamburger pizza that she left out all night and part of the next day. It was also her choice to eat a freshly baked, two-week-old cookie that she hid in her room.
Waiting room blues
During her intake interview with the triage nurse, a middle-aged man came to a grinding halt just outside the emergency room doors. He then jumped out of his enormous Ford truck, without regard for any of the previously arrived patients, screams “I need help for my daughter and I need it now”! I’m not surprised by this, especially since it’s an emergency room, pretty much everyone there needed help now. After spotting a nurse at the desk, he stops her from talking to the current patient, and orders her to attend to his daughter. He provided her with the details of her “home diagnosis” and her intestinal valve blockage due to pregnancy.
No one in earshot knew what that meant. To the credit of the attending nurse, despite his discourteous behavior, she said “I’m gon call someone to come help you now, ok suga”. After three entire minutes, no one has come and the guy is visibly and audibly frustrated. Strutting and stomping the entire length of the waiting area, we are all forced to listen to him berate the nurses and the hospital staff.
We were all advised that every patient room in the ER was full and that there would be a wait. Patients with barely attached limbs caused by a car accident were the priority. If you were not bleeding or otherwise dismantled, you would have to wait your turn. You know, triage…
Calmly, the nurse explains again, nobody is available to help him get the patient out of the car. “Bubba” found a wheelchair and gets daughter out of the pick-up. She wailed with the same intensity as a person on fire. Still, no nurses have arrived.
Don't you know who I am
He went around to the ER doors and tried to get through, shaking them. No luck “Bubba”. They take her info, and send her back out to the waiting room. “Bubba” is like fuck this, and calls 911. In comes a security guy, and wants to talk. Satisfied with “Bubba’s” story, the security guard walks away. “Bubba” is still not for the song and dance going on in the ER! Daughter says, I’m feeling sick. “Bubba” tells daughter “just throw up on the floor, they aren’t helping us anyway”. During this madness, his truck remained right in front of the ER doors. No ticket given, no request to have it moved. No ambulance arrived.
911 doesn’t understand why “Bubba” is calling from the ER, requesting an ambulance to take him to a different ER. Imagine that.
“Bubba’s” privilege had successfully impeded the progress of my daughter’s treatment. All the disturbance he created prevented the head staff nurse from starting an IV for my severely dehydrated child. She left to contend with security and soothing an irate father. I could not believe his arrogance. I understand the concern that a father has for his child, believe me I do. After all, I was there for the same reason.
Most Parents
My primary concern in this moment was securing help for my child. Everyone in that ER had the same things on their minds, but submitted to the “order” of things except “Bubba”. After having time to check the details of the day, I realized that all the interference disparate treatment we experienced comes from 3 places.
- The confidence and entitlement “Bubba learned as a child has permeated all aspects of his existence, thus giving him the unmitigated gall to act so during his emergency.
- The vehement declaration of his rights convinced all the non-white female hospital staff, that attending to his demands outweighed their procedural training and good judgment.
- Simply, our race made us less important during challenging moments.
[bctt tweet="“They made you an Amendment and convinced you it meant 'American.” " username="wwregg"]
What's left
I can show the problem, and convey my sentiments, but the necessary solution is a global one. All I have left is an observation that continues to mystify my understanding of humanity. Many believe that privilege is an abstract topic best in the halls of academia, while those that live with the adversity daily know better.
This lighthearted conversation covering a serious topic denies that concept, by illustrating one of many scenarios occurring daily. It's not that I think that I am coming from a place of no privilege, what I am saying is that mine isn’t quite inalienable.
Please leave your comments below, let me know your thoughts. Talking about it is the only option.
Falling Down Is O.K, Staying Down Is Not
Never Forget Why You Started
Deep breath! Roll your eyes and plaster on a smile that is as close to genuine as possible, and remind yourself that today is another opportunity to make a positive impact on those impressionable college youth that has come to learn. Over and over again you repeat to yourself, "Falling down is OK, staying down is not an option and you carry on".
How it begins
We all have that thing that we love to do, even when deep down inside we are not sure why. We do know that we cannot live without it. It is equal to being hooked on a drug, except it has a positive outcome and you get to keep all your teeth. That is what teaching college students feels like to me. If you are lucky you will get at least one section of students that are actually there for themselves, to learn, to grow and not as a prerequisite to keep mamma from kicking them out of the house.
You hope you will get this
What you really get.
Here is what I have learned about being a college professor so far:
- I know measurably less than I ever considered: I was severely under-prepared in the area of communication, mostly because I am only a novice at speaking millennial.
- I'm not nearly as flexible as I thought I was: When I grabbed that shiny graduate degree, I was ready to be an academic boss. (click for dance break) I laugh to myself as I type this, because it is the kind of thing that you say to yourself and never admit the private hubris you feel, publicly.
- People almost never respond the way you think they will: I had all these grand designs, all these inventive ways I would change the face of learning! #fail
- Being liked and being respected are not mutually exclusive: At first, you try being a hard ass, then you try being the cool young professor, in the end, it's really a blend of both that will help you get the job done.
- Don't be afraid to watch your students fail themselves: I kept assuming that if they failed it would somehow be my fault. The truth is mostly all they are good at so far is manipulation and avoiding responsibility. It's the leftover "nurturing" from high school. Just make sure they know how to be successful and stand back.
You have to remember
College has a way of making you feel like the world will open up and lay itself at your feet. Once you complete your rigorous curriculum, you feel entitled to select the job that fits you best, demand decent pay, and most importantly they are lucky to have you! In reality, you have completed the bare minimum for someone to hire you. If you are lucky you don't have to go to work armed, and in my case, you can find a car that is cheap enough to afford, big enough to ride in for more than thirty minutes, and nice enough that security doesn't think you are a students and give you a citation for not having the parking pass.
I can do this
Don't think any of what I have said applies to everyone, but in most cases, all professors experience some version of this. Falling down is O.K, staying down is not. I do still believe teaching is rewarding, I am doing my best. I do not feel bad, by any measure, for taking the wrapper off one of my dreams and finding that it is nothing like I expected. Eventually, I will be able to mold this dream into something that goes far beyond what I initially imagined.
This is how your tuition dollars are used” Unprepared for College
Where are the students
I have worked as a college professor, in one capacity or another, since 2011. Until last fall, I was consistently optimistic about the progression of my skill level as an instructor, and the quality of the student population. I imagined there would be some disconnection between the high school curriculum, and opportunities to bridge gaps in knowledge. I always want to send a new batch of students on their way to academic success. I'm not foolish or self-important enough to believe that I will have an impact on lives of all my students, but that does not keep me from giving it a shot.
I usually inherit a room full of young people (intermingled with actual adults) who have been delivered to the higher education system fresh out of f**ks and unbothered. Colleges are overrun with groups of young people, super confident in their skills and sorely lacking in their performance. Before you deep breathe, slow blink, or offer an obligatory eye roll, please take a moment to recognize that this is an “in the trenches assessment” from someone close to the issue. This does not apply to every student, but the majority of first-time students go on break prior to clocking in for work.
Why students are failing themselves
As near as I can tell, anything adjacent to an explanation for this decline in student preparation can be categorized into three areas
- No one told them excuses made in high school are now void: Bottom line, no one cares that you were sick, that you were hung-over, or that you forgot that it was due. Figure it out!
- No one ever made sure they had adequate adult coping skills: Believe me; I understand that we love our children, however, the parade of second place prizes and pep talks ensuring them that they were still winners even though they lost just were not the answer. If you lose, you are a loser. “If you’re not first you’re last and all that sort of thing”. It’s ok to not be the best, it builds character and determination.
- Life up till now has been pretty convenient: Not everyone was wealthy, got it, but most people have had access to modern conveniences. Cell phones, computers, on-demand T.V. , have all helped to cement convenience as a custom or expectation. The reality is that work is, well... work, or we would call it something else. Learning is often not convenient, occasionally not easy, and never done exactly your way.
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Bonus reason Below:
Seriously!
So what do you do? The only thing that I have found that combats the apathy of some student is consistency. When students have a routine, it helps feel a measure of control over their chaos. If all else fails, there is always scaring the shit out of them.
Just kidding!! (mostly). So parents/guardians, fear not, there is hope for your spoiled little ball of raw potential. They can come out shiny new and full of...well I am not exactly sure what they will be full of, at least they will have a set of skills.
Artist Spotlight: Mali Music
Kortney Jamaal Pollard performing under the stage name Mali Music,[2] is an American recording artist, singer-songwriter, and producer. We recognize him with our artist spotlight, for his commitment to making quality tunes with quality content. He is hardly a new artist, he began his music career at the ripe old age of 12, gathered his footing in church, and continues to actively perform in various venues today. In addition to his new release, has released three albums.
"The Coming (2008) and The 2econd Coming (2009), earned him much critical and underground acclaim.[3] In 2011, he was the first inspirational artist to be a part of BET's acclaimed "Music Matters" series.[4] Signed to RCA Records in 2013,[5] Mali released the single "Beautiful"[6] in anticipation of his first major album release Mali Is..., which was released on June 17, 2014[7]and earned a Grammy nomination for Best Urban Contemporary Album.[8]"
On Tuesday, May 9, 2017, he announced the release of his latest album, The Transition of Mali, which debuted about two weeks ago.
What you really want to know
To be honest, the cleanliness of this artist is refreshing. We get an album that we can enjoy and get our bounce on" all while the kids are in the car. We have no reason to skip songs, there isn't any "provocative content" and it's still totally enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, there is time when we all want to get out "ratchet on" but for the other times there is still some good stuff out there.
Mali's sound is reminiscent of John Legend with a little extra gospel flavor. Some tracks are stale and soggy, but I talk while they play and tune in when the next hot track picks up. Some songs have the typical call and response theme, but we also get others that display true musicianship with an opportunity to get your grown man/woman on without feeling like a complete "old head".
Look out for the track with Jazmine Sullivan, and the one called "Worth It". Have a listen to the sampling of selected tracks below. "Happy Listening"
If you have suggestions for an artist you would like to see or know more about ship me an email with your request!
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/embed?listType=playlist&list=PLqJ_b8IWlEQMVblG69_CbV2luGyCU1A6B&v=f4tv1jLOh00&layout=gallery[/embedyt]
Ask Anything: How do really fat people manage to travel in economy airlines?
Our latest ask anything question comes from Sam. Sam has a very curious mind and wants to know:
"No offense, but I have always been curious about this one thing. Not everyone can
afford to travel First or Business Class, and the Economy seats aren't exactly the roomy kinds. So is it always the troubled neighbor or do some airlines make some special arrangements for them? Have you had any such experiences traveling with obese folks? I have really fat relatives, but never had the nerve to ask them. I really just want to know, I don't want to be offensive."
Sam, Sam, Sam where should I begin. I give your ten points for asking this question in the most polite way possible. I have heard this question a couple of times before, and until now, I was reluctant to answer it publicly. Fat people fly economy in utter and complete agony. I will make this really simple for you Sam. There are three good reasons that "fat people" hate to fly, and find it to be one of many humiliating experiences.
Why flying while "fat" is miserable
90 Percent of all people who have never had significant issues with their weight have no issue with dehumanizing those that have.
Ignorant people, like the one pictures above, exist everywhere. Many overweight people have spent a lifetime battling their weight issues. They think about the way that people look at them when they walk into a room. Ordinary activities are filled with anxiety, and thoughts of "how is this going to work for me?" fill their minds. Imagine arriving at the gate, of course you are completely aware that you are fat, only to find a minimum of 75 other people looking at you behind blank stares and empty eyes, secretly praying to god that you are sitting nowhere near them. The silent voice of those unspoken indictments are felt just as sharply as they would if they had been articulated.
Airlines are primarily concerned with packing sardines and not passenger comfort
The average size of a an economy airline seat is roughly 17.5 inches between the armrests. The seats have been this size for the last 30+ years. The size of the seat is not based on the amount of space passengers need to be comfortable, but the least amount of space required to stay within safety standards. Meanwhile, they maximize the amount of people they can pack into the cabin. Look at these seats, they are small AF! Making them tall means absolutely nothing. Especially, if you are in a nearly standing position the entire flight
From a business perspective, it makes total sense, however, as a passenger of any size, its ridiculous and uncomfortable. I have not said anything ground breaking here, but I think that some people should take up their fight with the airline and not ridiculing and shaming their fellow passengers.
You are not that great either
Quiet as its kept, fat people are not that thrilled about sitting next to the non-fats either, or anyone for that matter. Its uncomfortable. Who would willingly subject themselves to public ridicule and speculation. Who wants to pay the extra cost to take a flight for work, and pay to upgrade a ticket for a minimally more comfortable seat to a place they never wanted to go. I know many will say lose weight. To that I will say grow the hell up.
Finally
Sam, I can appreciate the fact that you are curious, I can even understand why you never asked your fat family. I think I have more than answered your question, so I would like to leave you with these parting words. Worry about yourself. The next time you fly and are "forced" to sit next to a fat person, remember what they went through to have an semi-ordinary trip that you took for granted until you boarded the plane.
6 ways to say suck it!, you cant kill my dreams
What happened to the dream
I used to dream of one day being a celebrated singer. When I was in junior high school, I used to tape (telling my age) all the latest songs from the radio and play them back over and over. I would sing them all until I perfected the sound of my favorite tunes. Eventually, I worked up the nerves to try out for a play at school. I decided that I was going to be the star of...Grease!!!
I have spent a large portion of my life paralyzed by the fear of looking silly. To be honest, it was a fear of what people thought of me and what they may have said about me. The effects of this compulsion currently play an active role in my decision-making process, albeit to a much lesser degree.
Laugh if you must
If you know me, there are more than a couple of reasons I was never going to be the star of that show, but I never realized the hurdles I faced. In the end, I didn't get the part I wanted. The director relegated me to a non-speaking, non-singing role. Mrs. Little, wherever you are today, I want you to know that you suck ass and I will never forgive you for your poor assessment of talent!
I'm totally over it now though. ?
For a long time, never let anyone see or hear me sing anything. I wanted to sing desperately, but I wanted to save the remains of my pride more. This one event changed the trajectory of my stardom and now I'm here giving advice to you lovely readers. I have learned that at some point you have to be willing to tell others to suck it and go for what you want. You only have yourself to blame for the dreams you never chase.
The 6 ways to say...
- Negative assessments from others reflect their insecurities rather than your shortcomings: Never value anyone's opinion over your own. Feedback is one thing, being a hater is quite another.
- Being anything less than yourself is acting: Fake it if you want, you are the only one who has to live in your skin.
- You have one shot at the life you want: I think this is self-explanatory.
- So what if your worse case scenario comes true: There is nothing you can't handle, have faith in yourself.
- Ditch the dead weight: Bad friends and naysayers are not worth the maintenance, skip it.
- Not everyone wants the best for you: Be careful what you share with others. Some people want you to succeed and some want you to fail. If you aren't sure about what side they are on, it's probably the wrong one.
You deserve anything you are willing to work for. Get out there and go for it.
Artist Spotlight: Daley
Daley
[metaslider id=1680]
Background
Daley is a singer, songwriter and recording artist hailing from Manchester, UK.
A British boy who grew up to the sounds of Prince, Chaka Khan, D'Angelo, Radiohead and Oasis - Daley first became prominent after co-writing and featuring on the Gorillaz hit ‘Doncamatic' under the wing of the band's creator Damon Albarn in London. He has since become one of the UK's most respected soulful exports, recording and touring on both sides of the Atlantic and working with the likes of Pharrell Williams, Miguel, Jessie J, Emeli Sande, Maxwell, Jill Scott and Marsha Ambrosius.
New Album
With a new single arriving Spring 2017, and adding the last touches to his second album project Daley is drawing on experiences both professional and personal of the last two years, honoring the loss of close friend and manager Richard Antwi, and is poised to open the door on the next chapter of his musical journey with renewed perspective... and eagerly awaited new music!
The 13-track album has been led by the Top 10 Adult R&B hit single “Until The Pain is Gone” featuring Jill Scott. Fans that pre-order the set will receive the aforementioned song, plus the funky “Sympathy” featuring Swindle.
(Read More)
The verdict:
This is the kind of music that is great for any time of day. I especially enjoy it when I am working. The melodies, the voice, and the beats, remind me of the feeling I used to get from listening to classic R and B. Music is the greatest communication in the world. Even if people don't understand the language that you're singing in, they still know good music when they hear it. Feelings aroused by the touch of someone's hand, the sound of music, the smell of a flower, a beautiful sunset, a work of art, love, laughter, hope and faith - all work on both the unconscious and the conscious aspects of the self, and they have physiological consequences as well. As for Daley, some of the songs he creates, have an ephemeral quality that helps me collect my bad mood when I'm ready to push my computer off the desk, LOL.
Enjoy some of his work below:
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/embed?listType=playlist&list=PLqJ_b8IWlEQP3v5iJpl-W7CIJPqoBFm3H&layout=gallery[/embedyt]
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Missing
Why am I still searching for the cowboys like me. In the classrooms, the office and creative spaces. The spaces that are non-inclusive of music and sports. Yet I love music, and tolerate sports. Continuously looking for faces like mine, and perpetually finding blank ballots waiting for their owners.
By now, I should have given up. I have not. Disseminating individual contributions, as if there is enough to go around, and searching for the illusive community that promises to reveal itself only for a moment. Closed doors and empty rooms manifest and resemble the internal void, the external lacking
Unity
Needs go unmet. Faces exactly the same is not the desired result, but that recognize a unified experience. Ones capable of giving and receiving respect for a mutual contribution, shared struggles and similar journeys.
The atmosphere is looking, requiring, and demanding the gathering. All shall be there.
You need this.
Potentially unable to recognize the need in yourself, yet willing to fill the need in others.
Risk it.
Individually able to propel and inspire , collectively able to effect change.
Spread this message of inclusion.
Shaking and shaking until apathy breaks loose. Until your value is apparent.
Recognize it, and mourn it’s disuse.
The space is cleared, the door unlocked, waiting for the impending reunion.
The responsibility of a writer is to excavate the experience of the people who produced him. - J. Baldwin
Ask Anything: How do I tell my husband that he is no longer good enough for me?
Response
I had to let this question sit in my spirit a little. Anyone who has made a substantial change in their lifestyle will have the tendency to reevaluate their circumstances. As someone who has experienced this, I can relate. Once, I was heavier than I am today. At my heaviest, I was 580 pounds, at 6ft 5in. I didn't think that I looked that bad, but I was in denial. I had a weight loss surgery, and boy did it change more than just the number on the scale. As I began to lose weight, the dormant parts of my personality resurfaced. It felt really good to be the person I always wanted to be, but was too embarrassed because of my weight.
It's ok to feel better about you
This kind of thing has a tremendous impact on the way that you see yourself and the way you feel when interacting with others. This brings me to my point. You mentioned that you were starting to receive attention from the men at work. The newly found attention has more to do with the way you feel about you than the way you look. I am not naive, however, it is clear that your "improved" figure has something to do with the attention as well. That being said, I am going to have to go ahead take my sensitivity hat off.
With all due love and respect
You are totally full of shit. Did your marriage vows mean anything to you? I hope that you have left some details out of this story that will upgrade my opinion of the kind of person you are. You really need to do something to soothe the materialist beast that is taking over in your life. How do you know that the men at work, with the better cars and homes are actually better? How do you know they are not abusers, keeping a spare ass whipping on hold for you? Perhaps they are jealous, controlling, and unwilling to allow you the same freedom as your current husband. There are millions of hypothetical situations I could conjure to correct your momentary lapse into ignorance, but I will stop here.
Final Answer
What i will say, your current state of mind is temporary. You may be successful at keeping your figure but your insides will continue to be fucked up as long as you continue in this current vein of immaturity. Sex, money, cars, all fade. Unless you no longer value your current relationship, you need to sit the hell down somewhere. We still love you tho sis :-)
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Artist Spotlight: SZA
This artist needs very little introduction
SZA’s new album Crtl, released on June 9th, combines the sounds of Neo Soul, R&B, and Hip Hop. It mixes sounds and rhythms that stand apart from the typical radio or club hits that we hear today. Born Solana Imani Rowe in St. Louis, MO, SZA was raised in an orthodox Muslim household, sheltered from the influences of television and radio.
A smidge of background
This album comes through speakers like a breath of fresh air. I'm pretty late to the party, and after some research, it was clear that this artist has been around far longer than I ever imagined. What I love about her sound, is that she is at once energetic and chill. "She was later discovered by Punch in 2011 at a music industry event, while she was there working for a clothing brand. A friend was playing her music and Punch overheard, which led to her 2012 release of “See.SZA.Run” and later being signed by TDE in 2013."
She reeks of confidence, which comes through effortlessly in her performances. I listened to the latest album for the last week, and I have not gotten tired of it yet, which is rare for me. I will say that some of the songs are a miss, with some far-fetched lyrics and questionable beats. Overall this is an A- effort, and a hard-won victory. SZA gets the artist spotlight for being herself and being damn good at it.
In October of last year, SZA tweeted “I actually quit. @iamstillpunch can release my album if he ever feels like it. Y’all be blessed”. The news outlets began reporting that SZA was quitting music for good, even though the tweet was deleted later that day. SZA said that the anxiety and frustration she was feeling in her life led her to consider walking away from music. Thankfully, none of that happened and today we have this rare gem to get us through the summer!
Check out a sample of her tracks below.
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/embed?listType=playlist&list=PLqJ_b8IWlEQNtoHmqcSNHlDjjX6PLiFeq&v=DcRi3j8sjtU&layout=gallery[/embedyt]
I Aint Friends With Your GF: NSFW
Question: Girls
"Why do heffas think it's ok to plan an all girls trip, but yet they feel like they can bring their lovers, wives, gf's, etc because they are the same sex? I think that's some B.S. Nothing specific recently, but I think some of my friends were talking about either going on or have been on a girl's trip, but they're partners were included. I always wanted to ask how that works, but didn't want to argue or hurt anybody's feelings. In the back of my mind I'm like how can you heauxs go on or plan a fucking girl's trip and your fuck buddy gets to come because she has a coochie. Fuck that. If you can get some on this trip I want some too. Where is my husband, shit? I ain't friends with your GF!"
First of all LMAO
This scenario seems unique to me, to say the least. IMO a girls trip is a girls trip. To me, it means a group of friends, who happen to be women go on a trip together to have fun. Perhaps some of your friends have an alternative opinion.
- Define "girls trip".
- Let them know where you stand.
- Tell them to stop trying to be slick and plan a "couples" vacation if that is what they are looking for.
Answer:
Whenever I see couples infringing on the free time of a group of friends, I immediately think that there is a problem in the relationship.
- Trust issues
- Insecurity
- Infidelity
- Narcissism
Feel free to pick one of the above. I could be wrong about their motivation, but that is really irrelevant. Either they can commit to friend time, or the can stay at home. Its really that simple. Have the talk and let me know how it turns out.
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