What Do You Wish Women Knew About Men

What do you wish women knew about masculine respect?

I wish women knew more about men than what they learned on Tv or through media outlets. If women conceptualized men as people first, and men second it would lead women to a greater mutual respect both for and from men. Ladies, please understand there is no single definition of masculinity. Expectations and preconceived notions that women bring to the relationship can annihilate the relationships they share with men.

"The Black Marriage Movement (BMM) in cooperation with Black Men Who Blog, asked the following questions. The goal is to give some perspective on what some men wish women knew about them. Below, along with the questions, you will find my candid responses".

What does it mean to you? ( What is respect? )

Respect is a mutual behavior. It's the authentic act of displaying your care through words and deeds. It is a continuous cross-functional behavior that impacts all aspects of personal/interpersonal relationships. From feelings to communication, consideration, and expectations.

Respect based decisions and interactions decide how I receive your intentions. Your behavior affects the way I receive intentions,  the way your words are heard, and even my assessment of your character. If I do not respect a person, even their good deeds are suspicious. Copious amounts of respect should always be displayed and enacted in romantic relations. It fosters an environment of hope, longevity and mutual affection.

How can women show respect and honor you in a way that makes you feel it?

There are all sorts of ways to show honor and respect. In fact, respect is as various as each personality. Think about the way I receive information from others. Use previous conversations I have held with you about others, unrelated gripe sessions, or scenarios that they have described.

When you have a picture of what the desirable behaviors look like, try to adopt those behaviors for yourself.  This does not mean being inauthentic. Honor yourself with authenticity. Always be an asset to your team. Respect me by showing the world your best self and modeling behaviors we value.  Most importantly I feel respected when you honor my desires, dreams, and aspirations. Relationships can't grow together without a sense of mutual honor and respect.

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We Need to Talk

Have you heard about...

One of the perils of having men having female best friends is that you often get caught in the conversational crossfire.  This catty conference covers a conversation where "Woman A" has said something that "Woman B" does not like and "Woman C" who is not involved in the conversation at all, takes offense to the comment.  Although "Woman C", aka your bestie, is not involved, she is inclined to bring the topic to you and discuss it at length.

My face during the latest debate

Regardless of your interest level (believe me its low), you are required to participate.  Word to the wise, when your friend wants to have a conversation with you, and you are not interested in what she is saying, you better damn well act like it or you will never hear the end of it…ever! Especially with the latest trend of keeping receipts for behavior, there is always physical evidence that resurfaces to put the final nail in your coffin of condemnation.

How do men really feel about women with "natural hair"

Why didn’t I realize that this would be a controversial topic?  If I knew I would be on the hot seat, I would have just nodded and kept my lips zipped.  I don't know why there is a perceived or actual conspiracy about natural hair. Do men really care one way or the other?

The way style and fashion are set up these days, hairstyles are as varying as clothes, even when worn by one person.  When I think of the all the different styles women wear, it's really cool.  Your personal style is an accessory to your personality.  The way a woman styles her hair can vary according to her mood, her political affiliations, beliefs, customs or any number of things.  Most of all, women should have fun with their style, not trapped or confined by convention.

Can you pick it

According to my good friend, a deeper conversation is going on behind the natural hairstyle movement. There is an automatic judgment that comes along with claiming this otherwise innocuous style for yourself. I have heard the conversations.

From the workplace to the casual stranger in public everyone has had something to say. Everyone judges everyone, it is the only way to facilitate understanding.  The problem is when people consider their assumptions as fact rather than a starting point for understanding.

The odd thing is, it works both ways.  The "chemical free" women reclaimed something lost to them during the relaxer revolution. The relaxed ladies accuse naturalistas of no longer caring about their appearance.  Natural hair requires much more time and effort than relaxed hair. The relaxer rangers say the naturalistas accuse them of encouraging a disingenuous appearance. Both sides believe men force them into style templates created by the media, templates focused on European standards.

There are other things to look at

From a male perspective, I don’t think that it matters.  I know that men have varying degrees of interest in the female appearance, but I believe most of that has to do with weight and style more than hair.  That is a completely different article and we are not inviting Pandora to dinner tonight.  The hair is part of the total package.

That is a completely different article and we are not inviting Pandora to dinner tonight.  The hair is part of the total package. I would like to encourage all women regardless of their hair choice, to focus on what works for them, their values and their lives.  Interested suitors will come.

I can't help but laugh

I must admit that I get unlimited entertainment from the YouTube natural-hair care tutorials.  The hosts tell other ladies to put everything from ketchup and mustard to olive oil and mayo on their hair.  Sometimes, you can't tell if you're doing a hair treatment or a salad. Best of all is when they show up to work or a date after one of those fails without being able to salvage the style! Check this out

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MaWMMn_EpM[/embedyt]

Warning: Do not laugh while they are around if you want to live or not be verbally accosted.

Done

If you create a style for yourself that suits you and allows you to exude the confidence you deserve, I am all for it.  If you, are unsure and need constant validation about your choice, you just keep on showing up at the salon, or popping into the CVS to get "The Cream". My advice, do what makes you feel best about you. Give up on trying to please people who are gonna think something very different from you intend at almost every turn.


You Didn't Come to Help, So Why Are You Here?

 

Look at me!!

Today and every day for the last 100 or so years, the lips of the activist and shit-stirrers alike have flapped religiously to the same tune. At the root of the discourse among the activists, is altruism, therefore I assign no fault to their efforts. Their efforts have persevered from generation to generation, attempting to plow through roadblocks, barriers, and illogical mechanisms implemented to deny the rights of many people. I ask you, with sincerity and conviction,  if you didn't come to help why are you here?

[bctt tweet="“The desperate usually succeed because they have nothing to lose.” " username="wwregg"] another side to this conversation concerns those who have no goals beyond the personal.  They thrive in the zone of self-indulgence and myopic focus.  Slimy and slinking, they slide into

Another side to this conversation concerns those who have no goals beyond the personal.  They thrive in the zone of self-indulgence and myopic focus.  Slimy and slinking, they slide into a heated debate and slither back out before facing the consequences of their inarticulate ramblings.

"All I need is a computer connection, an internet connection that is. That’s all it will take for me to become a scholar on the topic of the day. I know all about these racists, and why they want to keep success to themselves.  I want my turn and I want it now.  You won't block my shine."

The activists are not why we are here

We have come to talk about the masses of careless hands. The egomaniacal, who have taken to the internet to have their moment adjacent to relative popularity, despite the cost.

Momma never listened before, but if I write this article and go viral she will know I’m special. They have all kinds of books in the half of half off bookstore. I have enough time to read at least three chapters worth of subheadings before I get off the bus. I’ll know all there is to know before this evening and famous in the morning. #winning *(note to self, make a quick reference guide of famous black folks who fought for the cause. I’ll sound smart if I spell their names right).

 

You talk too often, about nothing

Your talking has only detracted attention from legitimate discourse about race relations, or the lack thereof. Your opportunity to make Momma proud has come at the expense of an entire political movement. Your need for attention has obstructed a necessary dialogue. The high cost of soothing your underdeveloped understanding and your overdeveloped sense of importance is far more expensive than any of us are willing to pay.

Believe me, the conversation going on around the world is of the greatest importance.  The only way to propel any sort of change is to talk about it. There is no specific qualification for joining the global intervention.  My intent in writing any of this is about the quality of, and the motives behind the contribution of its participants. If you share your thoughts with the public, via any medium, because you have the desire to see humanity progress towards unification, shout it on every corner.

[bctt tweet="If you share your thoughts with the public, via any medium, because you have the desire to see humanity progress towards unification, shout it on every corner." username="wwregg"]

Focus on you, then contribute

To those you who sound off, merely to hear the reverberations of your own voices, to encourage descent and turmoil, or to gain the notoriety you have chased during your dull existence, save it.  We don’t want any.  
 Instead, we want you to take a moment to figure you’re your own mess.  You are of no service to yourself, nor to your community until you have come to the only reasonable conclusion, there will be no cultural harmony until each person realizes that we all need one another to thrive and survive.

This concludes our regularly scheduled rant, join us next week when will discuss the perils of synthetic hair extensions, why men don’t like kitten heels.

Check in with me, let me know your thoughts. Feel free to agree or not, just speak up!

Regg

 

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You Screwed Up, She Smiled, Want to Know Why?

Why are you smiling?

Have you ever heard the expression, never let the right hand know what the other is doing?

 Let me explain, the theory is make sure you keep everything in its place. If you separate the business and the personal, it allows you to keep things smooth, and successfully manage interpersonal relationships. This is especially true when it comes to money. So, what do you do when you are married to someone who employs that strategy when it comes to your marriage, vital information, and the money?!

Money is not necessarily the primary issue if this is going on in your relationship, but who couldn’t use more than they have? You begin to notice that when the two of you do argue over money, she keeps an unconcerned attitude. Eventually, the tensions escalate and you are embroiled in a full scale blow-out. You tell her you do everything that you can to make her happy, up to and including buying the things that she wants. (uh-oh).

 She says “ I don’t need you to do anything for me sweetie”, and smiles that smile you know leads to bad news.

Your wife has been stashing cash on the back end, in a “rainy day account”.

Now you understand why every time you screw up she smiles. You have just realized its because she knows she is going to double her deposit this week, and you will be too consumed with your own foolery to know any better.

This account is also known as, “he’s got me fucked up, and I have to show him a thing or two, that I don’t need you and I have my own shit so you can just go live with your new woman account”.

Question, are you pissed or are you glad that she was financially savvy enough to plan?

In this instance, I am a bit of a hypocrite. I both agree and disagree, but let me be more specific. I agree that she should have her independence and individuality. I do not agree that she should have a secret account. My good friend Nat says “separate does not equal secret”.

If said wife, was my wife, we would have a damn problem.

  1. So, you been skimming the bill maybe net or naw?
  2. There is this little thing called misappropriation of funds, so now I need some of that money back.
  3. Why don’t I know how much money you make?

Dear wife,

You have been stealing and lying. You have basically decided that you needed money more than we needed money, and now I hope you have a good reason. I now need you to prove that none of the money in your secret stash landed there as a result of re-purposing the cash that I contributed to the household. I also want to know what other secrets you have been keeping. Don’t let me find out that you are secretly a madam and have not given me an opportunity to invest in the business or test the merchandise. That is foul. Just saying you have to believe in your product. (Kidding mostly).

Sincerely Husband

P.S. Seriously the issue is that you are saying that you have no faith in our relationship nor its longevity.

To my daughters, hi-five baby girl

Dad is so proud of you! You listened to the things that I said to you over and over as you grew up.

Remember what I told you

  1. Never let anyone convince you that you don’t need to make your own money.
  2. Do not let yourself become accustomed to a lifestyle that you are not able to provide for yourself
  3. Keep one eye on the prize and the other one on him.

You have no idea how much you have comforted me with the knowledge that you have not left your future to the success of that shiftless fool that you married. It is my absolute opinion that all women should enter a relationship fully prepared to care for themselves financially, should the situation present itself. Take care that the majority of the preparation happens before the relationship begins.

Young women, don’t enter relationships with anyone who does not represent the goals you have for yourself, but you must also possess those qualities. Think of it this way, if you can afford steak for dinner every night, you are not going to turn up at McDonald’s, unless you are feeling nostalgic for days when you ate ramen out of styrofoam and drank 40’s on the porch while wearing your headscarf.