Have you overheard a conversation you wish you didn’t? The really personal kind, so personal and dramatic that you want to walk away but your thirst keeps your tuned in. If you haven’t, here’s your chance.
O.K. listen, last week while sitting at my desk, I craved for something delicious that didn’t taste more like the wrapper than it did a snack. I decided to hike down the little convenience store they maintain in my office building to keep us from leaving the building and deciding not to come back. Maybe it’s for our convenience, but I have my own suspicions. I was sleepy at my desk, and I already inadvertently smashed the semicolon until there were three rows of them. On the way out to the elevator it happened, I got my golden opportunity to be nosey without scrolling through Facebook. It was all I could do not to stare. I waited for the elevator with my back turned to her, thinking ‘What he do‘, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
When I got home all your stuff was gone!
“Didn’t you say that you were always going to be here for me (yelling with a trembling voice)? I try to talk to you all the time but you don’t listen, how is this my fault (followed by explicit name calling)? I can’t believe this shit! When I got home you already moved your stuff, you are such a coward Thomas. Real men don’t do that kind of shit”!
Crap the elevator came and I had no choice but to get on. Continuing to stand there is far too obvious despite my propensity to want to hear other folks business. When I came back upstairs, she was gone. I decided to find her and give her some unsolicited advice, even though I don’t know the entire story. You know, I really do like to be helpful. I walked up and down the aisles until I located her cubicle. When I found her desk, I decided to mind my business. The look on her face said that she had been through enough and I didn’t want to risk the HR complaint so early in the year.
Instead, let’s have little chat about some of the things I wish I could share with her. Being let down by things that our loved ones do is inevitable. Eventually, you have to figure out how to assess the damage and create a plan that will allow you to heal and move on.
Do you hear yourself
Heartbreak does not have to equal devastation. What I mean is you can hurt without allowing your life to fall apart. If you feel like you cannot carry on after a break-up, or a failed relationship, you have given away too much of your independence/ autonomy.
— Rex de Mundo (@RexDMundo) January 23, 2018
This happens when you stop listening to your inner-voice and decide that compromise equals acquiescence. Take back your strength. Listen to your inner-voice. You should hear yourself more loudly and more clearly than anyone else. Remind yourself of all the times you failed, and all the times you have successfully recovered from that failure.
Be honest with yourself
Honesty allows relationships to flourish and helps mutual confidence. People often pretend to feel confident rather than actually being confident. The “show” only distracts you from the truth, and ultimately destroys manufactured relationships. After all, you can only fool folks for so long. The mask eventually comes off.
In the beginning, we share the best bits of our personalities, and it’s those things that attract others. The everyday conversations about preferences and perspectives reveal the details that allow our prospective partners to see us how we see ourselves. We may say things like, I’m not good at reading, or I can’t cook very well. Innocent admissions express our insecurities but they also reveal our character. If you are honest in the beginning, you know your partner chose you for your authentic self.
Always be your biggest fan
Being yourself can feel like a risk because we spend far too much time constructing cocoons of fiction that don’t allow much room for authenticity. Honestly, we don’t believe it, so don’t be foolish enough to think that others are any less savvy. The only way to heal the fear of being your true self is internal, so start soon.
No one thinks what you want them to think about you. It’s really none of your business what they think. Be more concerned with being more of the person you envision for yourself. At some point, you have to get your shit together. The negativity we all experience from time to time is normal. If we didn’t have a bad day occasionally, the people around us would probably punch us in the face. No one is that happy.
One positive step at a time
Make a conscious effort to stop limiting your awesome. Say “I can’t less or remove “I’m no good at” conversations. Rehearse these things and not fiction, and you will see your truth personified. Keep on trying to figure it all out, it’s where we all are.
It is my sincere hope that something you read here will uplift and encourage you.